When I’m not writing pieces that make my parents roll in their graves for xoJane, I am a professional TV watcher. Seriously. Each day, I am paid by a company to watch women’s interest television and take note if anyone farts, drops the f-bomb, or if Barbara Walters accidentally shoves her fist through the back of Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s throat.
But the most disturbing part of my job isn’t listening to a bunch of middle-aged women fight like a group of 12-year-old girls trying to get Mariah Yeatered at a Justin Bieber concert; it’s the groping. [I know I am late to put a comment in here, but let me say that I love Joy Behar and would have absolutely held Hugh’s hand there as long as possible. ]
Now, I’m no prude, and I completely believe that tongue-fondling and some light hand stuff can be a really fun part of your everyday work experience (if you’re say, a receptionist with daddy issues or a ladies’ prison guard in a porno), but when daytime television starts offending someone whose porn collection would make Sasha Grey break out in a full-body blush, there might be an issue. Each week since I started watching these shows, I’ve seen women behaving like drunk frat brothers at a club called “Mouth Hugs.”
How is that we live in a society where Adrien Brody kissing Halle Berry made headlines for months, but nobody bats an eye when Joy Behar sticks Hugh Jackman’s hand between her thighs and holds it there?
Since getting this job, I’ve seen Sheryl Underwood from “The Talk” hit on Donny Osmond so hard while he pleaded and made declarations of love for his wife that you could literally see the light in his eyes go out, watched Barbara Walters feel up LL Cool J, and looked on in horror as Sharon Osbourne forced comedian Eugenio Derbez into motorboating her.
So, seriously, what the hell is going on here? If Jimmy Fallon were to conduct his interviews with his hand up the skirt of his female guests or if Matt Lauer hosted no-bite hotdog eating contests on “The Today Show,” people would, understandably, be more than a little upset.
Am I just being old and grumpy? Or have we, as a society, just said “fuck it” and given women a free pass to behave in a way we would find reprehensible from men?
Either way, it’s time to get your hand out of my bra, Hasselbeck.