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Wedding Countdown: What Should I Do With a Windfall?

Marital cash fannnnnnn!

Once in a while, my life plays out like a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book.

Sometimes I’ll wake up at a carnival. Sometimes I’ll very quietly hide under my house until the vampire is gone. And once in a great while, I’ll get a knock at my door and find that I have a big ol’ check waiting for me that I wasn’t expecting.

Here’s some backstory: My grandmother died five years ago and left a will of her assets to her children. Since my mother was already dead at this point, her portion of the inheritance was divided up for my siblings and me.

The part of the will that I seemed to have read less carefully was where she also indicated that, in addition to what we would be inheriting, she had left us small cash gifts for all of our grandchildren to do with what we please.

While 22-year-old Sarah might have rented a party bus, bought a case of Moet and spent the next week trying to find the credit cards and pieces of brain matter I lost, these days, I’m a grown-ass lady and, as such, have loftier goals. Also, my wedding already has a party bus.

So, after putting some money aside for a rainy day, I’ve decided there’s nothing I want more than to have a fun wedding, but I’m having a hard time deciding what will make it so.

My wedding already has the same fun elements in place: open bar, loud music, photo booth to document debauchery, sluts. If I, or any of the members of Motley Crue, were the only guest in attendance, I’d say we have everything we need.

However, in my quest to have all of my guests simultaneously vomit, ejaculate and dance with delight upon arrival at our venue, I’d like the whole thing to have a little bit more pizzazz.

I want the wedding to have — are you ready for it, because I’m going to say it — “wow factor” (ugh, yuck, blech).

The following are a list of things I have considered to spice up the day:

    •    Chariots
•    Vajazzling
•    Polaroid cameras and film for each table
•    Bouncy castle
•    Ice cream van

So, oh wise women and occasional wise man of xoJane wedding piece readership, where should I put the extra cash? What made your weddings awesome?

Marital cash fan!

About Sarah Crow

Writer, natural redhead, semi-professional napper.


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