Sarah Crow

Writer, natural redhead, semi-professional napper.
Sarah Crow has written 75 posts for Sarah Crow

What to Do When Your Pet is a Cockblock

 ILLUSTRATION BY GQ/GETTY Cat/dog/lizard won’t leave you alone when you’re trying to get laid? You aren’t alone. If you’ve ever decided to spend a night in, clearing out your DVR and tossing tortilla chips down your gullet like so many salmon to a bear, only to find yourself crippled by an existential wave of loneliness, … Continue reading

How to Be Friends with Your Ex

(Originally published on GQ.com) — So your relationship ended—bummer!   But, after months of getting creepily into SoulCycle and consuming a staggering amount of pornography that would get you kicked out of most of the European Union, you’re ready for the next step: a relationship with your ex.   For many people, this seems like … Continue reading

The Case for Sucking it Up and Going Out on Valentine’s Day

(Originally published by GQ) Yeah, we know. V-Day is terrible. But considering what horrible people we are the other 364 days a year, why not use it as an occasion to celebrate the people in our lives who make us, well…better. ………………………………. If you ask practically anyone under the age of 65 who is not … Continue reading

Men’s and Women’s Brains Are (Probably) a Lie

(Originally published by GQ) A new study suggests that men aren’t so different from the fairer sex after all If you’ve been blaming your gender for your seeming inability to avert your gaze from a butt clad in Lululemon yoga pants, you may have to come up with a new list of excuses. And posthaste! … Continue reading

Thanks for Sharing Those Personal Stories of Pain and Heartbreak, Dudes, But We Won’t Be Having Sex Now

                It’s funny how nicknames evolve. From my husband, my name has evolved from Sarah to Soup to Wiffles and all manner of things in between, with reasons ranging from the simple phonetic evolution of one sound into another to an inside joke becoming a moniker that sticks. … Continue reading

This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: A Guide to Unruining Your Stuff for Total Messes

                            For those of you who don’t know me: Hello. My name is Sarah, and I am disastrous person. Starting from an early age, I decided that the ridiculous ideas put forth by my mother and society as a whole, like occasionally … Continue reading

A Tale of Two Titties: How I Disguise My Mismatched Set

When I was 25 years old, I gave birth to a set of twins. However, unlike the fat little cherubs who become the target of strangers’ coos and kisses, these puppies were strapped to my chest and I quickly realized that, much to my chagrin, the girls were fraternal. Let me back up. While many … Continue reading

New Lung Cancer Awareness Campaign Asks: “Who Deserves to Die?”

                      “Well, she was a smoker when she was younger,” my grandmother said to me during one of our infrequent phone calls, only shortly after my mother had been admitted to the hospital for what would become her final visit. Sure, just like me, and … Continue reading

Wedding Countdown: What Should I Do With a Windfall?

Once in a while, my life plays out like a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book. Sometimes I’ll wake up at a carnival. Sometimes I’ll very quietly hide under my house until the vampire is gone. And once in a great while, I’ll get a knock at my door and find that I have a big … Continue reading

7 Months Til My Wedding: Suck My (Vera) Wang

It’s now 7 months until I’m going to be a Mrs., and things are going quickly and expensively. We’ve selected our venue and most of our vendors, but there are still approximately 18,000 things to do, all of which involve poking, pinning and a lot of people who want to talk to me about my … Continue reading